Years ago, I began recovering from perfectionism.

It’s a lifelong journey, let me tell you. Or maybe you already know because you’re on the very same journey. If so, you are welcome here!

Perfectionism is tricky. Just when you think you’ve eliminated it from one area of your life, it pops up in another—like a carnival whack-a-mole. At least, that’s how it feels for me sometimes.

Perfection also sneaks around in different forms.

It can look like having an all-or-nothing mindset. It can be refusing to stop till you’ve reached some acceptable version of perfection. It can sound like nitpicking—yourself and other people. And, it can mask itself as a justifiable desire to succeed, when all the while it’s a deep-rooted fear of failure.

Fear of Failure

That last one surprised me.

Somehow, even after I acknowledged my need to let go of being perfect, I didn’t see it as a fear of failing. It took reading Jordan Lee Dooley’s book, Own Your Everyday, for me to see the truth.

The truth that perfection WAS my path to avoiding failure. Every single time. For as long as I could remember.

After finishing that book in 2019, I knew I had to face that fear. I had to tell myself the truth that it was okay to fail. That it was okay to start something—anything—without all the perfect details in place, because the only real failure was not starting at all. And that the end result could turn out differently than I planned, and “differently” didn’t mean “failed.”

So, I told myself the truth. I TELL myself these truths even today, because I’m a work in progress. It’s a lifelong process, remember?

“Are You Scared?”

Just the other day, a conversation with my husband showed me how easily I can slip back into a perfectionist mindset. It went something like this:

John casually mentioned he decided to train for a marathon with a friend. A marathon that was only three months away—which both baffled and impressed my non-runner self.

After processing this news, I asked what I thought was a logical question: “Are you scared?”

I mean, 26.2 miles of running? That sounded terrifying.

“Why would I be scared?” was John’s matter of fact reply. “If I get tired, I can just walk.”

He didn’t mean for it to be a mic drop moment, but it was for me.

You see, that sneaky, perfectionist part of my brain had labeled walking during a marathon as failure. But why?

John’s answer forced me to go there. Why?

Because I still have more letting go to do.

Because all-or-nothing thoughts still creep into my mind from time-to-time.

Because my perception of failure needs as much work as my fear of it.

Of course, this realization was its own lesson in not letting one moment of perfectionist thinking make me feel that I’m not making progress.

Renew Your Mindset

The mind is a battlefield. Every day is a fight between truth vs. lies. The day you and I become complacent is the day the enemy sneaks back in with a subtle thought here. A lie there. Till you find yourself a few steps back in that lifelong journey.

But, that’s not failure! It’s a chance to learn. Let’s look at 2 Corinthians 10, where the Apostle Paul writes this to the church of Corinth:

³ For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ…

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (ESV)

My “lofty opinion” about walking during a marathon? I needed to destroy it. Then, replace it with the truth. That, my friend, is taking “every thought captive to obey Christ.”

Romans 12: 2 (NIV) puts it this way: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

To renew your mind is to replace any thoughts that don’t align with God’s truth. And, it’s not a one-and-done, but rather a continual process. In fact, the Greek word used for “transformed” in this verse describes a process of continual change from within yourself. Myself. All of our selves.

A process of continual change.

If that’s not a lifelong journey, I don’t know what is.

No matter where you are on the (recovering) perfectionist journey, I want you to know, you’re not alone. If your path seems a bit too winding, too hilly, and some days you feel like you’ve lost the path completely… you’re not alone.

You’re also not failing. Every day is an opportunity to capture those lying, fearful thoughts, throw them away, and choose to believe the truth.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint 😉

CLICK HERE to download my FREE devotional, Live With Zeal — a deep dive on what the Bible has to say about ZEAL.