This topic hits deep. I know it does because I’ve been there. And we’re going to talk about it.
CLICK HERE to listen to this post on my podcast, Recover with God.
Gaining weight in recovery.
Those first two words—gaining weight—are probably the scariest two words to hear or even think about when you’re struggling with an eating disorder. Heck, those words can feel scary even if you don’t have a diagnosed eating disorder.
If you’ve ever been on a diet or wanted to lose a few pounds or maybe you don’t always like the way your jeans fit, you understand. I know you do.
And I have a question for you. Actually, two questions:
- Why does the idea of weighing more cause you so much anxiety and desperation?
- Why does weight gain sometimes feel like the worst possible thing that could happen to you?
I’m serious. Our brains tend to freak out and focus on the worst-case scenario. Mine definitely did when I decided to recover. And even today—10 years later—I still don’t love the thought of weighing more than I do right now. Yes, I weigh more now than I did before I recovered, but I also think it’s easy to find comfort in any weight that feels safe.
If you can relate, you’re not alone.
When I decided to go all in on recovery, I knew I had to let go of that deep-rooted fear of gaining weight and let my body do what it needed to do—no matter what that looked like. Letting go required me to completely trust God with all the scary unknowns and trust that the outcome would be God’s best-case scenario for me—not the worst of the worst that consumed my thoughts.
Let’s look at Proverbs 4:20-27 (EASY).
[20] My child, listen carefully to my teaching and to everything that I tell you. [21] Never forget my words. Keep them safe in your mind. [22] They will give true life to anyone who takes hold of them. They will give health to your whole body.
[23] Be very careful to keep your mind safe. The thoughts that you think make you the person that you are. [24] Never tell lies or try to deceive other people.
[25] Look straight in front of you to see clearly where you are going. [26] Decide carefully where you are going in life. Then you will be on a good, safe path. [27] Do not walk off your path, to the right side or the left side. Keep away from everything that is evil.
What Does It Look Like to Trust God?
Trusting God requires clinging to the belief that His words are true. These verses tell us to listen to His words, remember them, and live like we really do believe them. Verse 22 literally tells us that God’s truth “give[s] health to your whole body.”
WOW.
Trusting God also means not lying to yourself. And here is a bit of truth spoken with love. Believing that weight gain in recovery will somehow make your life worse is a LIE. If this lie is keeping you from recovery, you are only deceiving and hurting yourself.
I want to read Proverbs 4:23 again: “Be very careful to keep your mind safe. The thoughts that you think make you the person that you are.”
How to Renew Your Mind
Facing the lies we believe takes courage and persistence. When I decided to confront that lie about weight gain and replace it with God’s truth, I didn’t believe the truth right away—but I kept telling myself the truth, over and over, until it stuck. Until I did believe it.
Basically, I renewed my mind, like Romans 12:2 (ERV) tells us to do. It’s a powerful verse!
Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.
Do you know what God wants for you? He wants you to recover and live a full life. A life that pleases Him.
Are you ready to let Him change you inside (and out) with a new way of thinking?
I know that sounds scary. God knows that sounds scary. In Psalm 34:4 (ERV), David describes what it looks like to go to God and trust Him with your fears. He wrote, “I went to the Lord for help, and he listened. He saved me from all that I fear.”
How did God save me from my fear of gaining weight in recovery? He helped me to see it differently.
Truths to Focus on When Gaining Weight in Recovery
Below are a few examples of truths I told myself early on in recovery when my body started changing and it felt like I gained a lot of weight overnight.
- The rapid weight gain is water weight.
- My body is healing right now.
- Nothing bad is happening.
- My body deserves grace.
And when I say I told myself these things, I mean that I told myself over and over and over. Changing how you think doesn’t happen in a day, or even a week. It takes consistent refocus, prayer, and LOTS of reminders.
I also reminded myself that I wasn’t happier at a lower weight. I was miserable. A smaller body never made my life better. It never lived up to its promises. The more I tried to control my weight, the more it controlled me. And the less I weighed, the less I actually lived.
If you feel like you aren’t living right now, consider that allowing your body to heal is the first step to freedom and getting your life back.
Two Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Afraid
Going back to worst-case scenarios, when you think about weight gain, I challenge you to ask yourself two questions.
1. What’s the worst that could happen if you gain weight?
Be honest. Find the root of your fear. Then ask yourself if your greatest fear aligns with God’s truth.
And don’t stop there. I also want you to ask yourself the opposite question.
2. What’s the best that could happen if you gain weight?
Again, be honest. If the primary fear holding you back from full recovery and freedom is weight gain, what could your life look like on the other side of your eating disorder (or chronic dieting) if you let go of that fear?
I can’t answer that for you, but I can tell you that life is worth living, even in a larger pair of jeans. My worst-case scenarios never happened. My life wasn’t ruined. I didn’t lose my value. I didn’t lose love. Instead, gaining weight gave me my life back.
And I’d gladly do it again. Actually, I did gain weight again.
Gaining Weight on Birth Control
Several years after recovery, I got married and started taking birth control. While I can’t offer solid, scientific proof, I firmly believe my birth control caused me to gain weight. Within a few months, I’d gained at least two clothing sizes without changing anything else about my lifestyle.
Was I okay with this unexpected weight gain? No. Not at first. I experienced a range of emotions and thoughts, including fear, frustration, shame, and questioning my worth. But I reminded myself, yet again, that my happiness is not dependent on a smaller size—and neither is my value.
Yes, it was hard to gain weight while taking birth control, but it also assured me that my recovery was real. I didn’t try to diet my way back into my previous size. I didn’t fall back on my old eating disorder habits. Instead, I bought new clothes and kept on living.
If I can do it, you can do it. Especially with God.
Disclaimer: This is my personal experience with birth control pills. I understand that different bodies may have different reactions, and hormonal birth control is available in many forms—each with its own side effects. My claim that I gained weight is based on my experience with rapid weight gain on the pill and weight loss after going off the pill, again, without making other changes that would impact my weight.
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