Are you easily offended?

I know I am.

Somewhere along the line, I adopted this righteous notion that the world revolves around me. How DARE anyone say or do anything that doesn’t fit my agenda for today?!

Plus, I’ve held onto this idea that if I’m not offended when someone acts like a jerk or says something hurtful or makes my life more difficult—on purpose or not—I’m somehow sending a message that their words or actions are okay.

But is that okay? Am I justified in feeling offended? Are there times when I shouldn’t be offended? And if feeling offended is okay, what is the next step? How should I act when I feel wronged?

As usual, I went to the dictionary and the Bible to work through these questions.

What Does It Mean to Offend?

To understand the idea of feeling offended, I first wanted to understand what it means to offend. To be the one doing the offending.

Here’s how Merriam-Webster defines the word OFFEND:

• to transgress the moral or divine law
• to violate a law or rule : do wrong
• to cause difficulty, discomfort, or injury (to cause pain to)
• to cause dislike, anger, or vexation

Or in words that might seem more relatable: to cause (a person or group) to feel hurt, angry, or upset by something said or done.

What I wasn’t expecting when I read through that list was to feel convicted—and not about feeling offended. As I read each bullet, I thought about the times when I’ve been the one to do the offending.

How often do I sin? That hurts God and often other people.

How often do I break a rule and justify it by telling myself it wasn’t that bad or it won’t hurt anyone? It still hurts God. He still sees it, even if other people don’t. And who am I to determine if an action I take won’t have repurcussions?

How often do I choose my own comfort over someone else’s?

And how often do I say or do something—intentional or not—that might make someone else angry or frustrated?

Yikes!

There I was, looking for answers about feeling offended without considering that I am sometimes the offender. I don’t know about you, but that right there puts it into perspective for me.

Ecclesiastes 7:22 (EASY) gives us a clear warning, too. “Do not forget that you also have often cursed other people.”

I had to know what else God has to say about offense in the Bible.

What Does God Say About Being Offended?

Remember my questions at the beginning:

• Am I justified in feeling offended?
• Are there times when I shouldn’t be offended?
• If feeling offended is okay, what is the next step?
• How should I act when I feel wronged?

Since that’s where I started this whole deep dive, I wanted to understand God’s truth about how to feel when someone offends me. Here are just some of the verses I found on how to respond when you feel offended.

1 Corinthians 13:5 (ERV) “Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it.”

At the risk of sounding cliché, LOVE IS THE ANSWER. Not only are we not to offend other people out of love, but if someone offends us, we are to forgive them out of love.

James 1:19-21 (ERV) “¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. ²⁰ Anger does not help you live the way God wants. ²¹ So get rid of everything evil in your lives—every kind of wrong you do. Be humble and accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts. This teaching can save you.”

Again, God tells us to get rid of the “evil in [our] own lives” when dealing with offense. And when we are offended, we are to deal with it by staying calm and quiet rather than reacting with anger. (P.S. Feeling anger and reacting with anger are not the same thing.)

For me, this goes against every fiber of my being, yet that is what God asks us to do. Show mercy and trust that He will work it out.

Proverbs 19:11 (ERV) “Experience makes you more patient, and you are most patient when you ignore insults.”

Ignoring offenses and reacting with patience is actually good for us. Who knew?! Letting go of feeling offended is meant to make us stronger.

Proverbs 9:7-9 (ERV) “⁷ Criticize a person who is rude and shows no respect, and you will only get insults. Correct the wicked, and you will only get hurt. ⁸ Don’t correct such people, or they will hate you. But correct those who are wise, and they will love you. ⁹ Teach the wise, and they will become wiser. Instruct those who live right, and they will gain more knowledge.”

We might be tempted to treat the offender the way they treated us, or teach them a lesson; yet here, the Bible tells us that often, this tactic doesn’t work unless the person is showing signs of wisdom and reason. Otherwise, reacting in such a way will likely do more harm than good.

Proverbs 18:19 (NLT) “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.”

Matthew 18:15 (NLT) “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”

Anyone can offend us, even friends and other Christians. And when this happens, it can be even harder to deal with.

Yet, the verse in Matthew 18 shows us the way to deal with that type of offense. Go to the person privately. Don’t blast them on social media. Don’t gossip to other friends about what they did. Don’t let it fester and do nothing. Go to the person.

Why Should We Forgive People Who Offend Us?

Well, now that we know what the Bible says to do it should be easy, right? Err, no.

At least, it’s not usually easy for me. I’m thankful God is patient. I’m thankful He forgives ME for not always getting it right. Even if I’m not the one to do the offending—I don’t always react in a way that shows God’s love.

Truly, I need just as much forgiveness in life as anyone who ever dares offend me. And God forgives unconditionally.

Psalm 103:10-12 (NLT) reveals the truth about God’s forgiveness:

¹⁰He does not punish us for all our sins;
    he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
¹¹ For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
    is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
¹² He has removed our sins as far from us
    as the east is from the west.

And Isaiah 44:22 (NLT) gives us a beautiful word picture of what it looks like to be forgiven by God: “I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.”

The price that was paid? That was Jesus. He made the ultimate sacrifice for all of us by paying the ultimate death penalty for the sins and offenses of the entire world—past, present, and future—so we could be forgiven by God and have access to relationship with Him on earth and eternity with Him in heaven.

WOW.

If Jesus did that for me—if he took a punishment he did not deserve—how can I not forgive someone who offended me today?

How can I not?

Jesus’ sacrifice not only gives a perfect example of love and forgiveness, but it also empowers me—and all believers—to forgive, even when we’d rather hold a grudge out of stubbornness and self-justification. But that is sin and I don’t want that to have power over me.

Romans 6:10-11 (NLT) “¹⁰ When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. ¹¹ So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 1:19-20 (ERV) “¹⁹ And you will know that God’s power is very great for us who believe. It is the same as the mighty power ²⁰ he used to raise Christ from death and put him at his right side in the heavenly places.”

Example of Forgiveness in the Bible

I appreciate Peter’s example in the Bible. He came to Jesus asking a valid question with what he thought was a generous answer.

Matthew 18:21-22 (ERV) “²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, when someone won’t stop doing wrong to me, how many times must I forgive them? Seven times?’ ²² Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, you must forgive them more than seven times. You must continue to forgive them even if they do wrong to you seventy-seven times.'”

No doubt, Peter thought forgiving anyone seven times was extremely gracious. Yet Jesus made a point that even seven times was not enough. His answer of “seventy-seven times” was not about the number, it was an emphasis on NOT making it about the number. We are to forgive. Period.

And gosh. I would want that same level of forgiveness from someone else when I screw up. Wouldn’t you?

I’m typing this just as much to myself as I am to you, reading now. But wouldn’t the world—and our own individual lives—be happier if we all spent a little less time feeling offended and a little more time showing love and grace and moving on with our days?

Something to think about.