This isn’t the first time I’ve shared about perfection, and it won’t be the last.

I struggle with perfectionism and have for most of my life.

Yet, in my younger years, I didn’t see it as a struggle. In fact, I once thought perfectionism was a positive trait. I thought it proved I care about quality and doing things the right way. I thought it made me more in control and successful. And yes, I proudly declared myself a perfectionist — even considering it part of my identity.

But, looking back, I see the truth. Perfectionism actually hindered me from growing. It didn’t make me in control; it controlled me. It limited my focus, my actions, and even my creativity. And I was oblivious.

Instead, I tried to achieve perfection in all areas of my life. When I performed “perfectly” I was praised—and the praise felt good. It gave me a dopamine high and I wanted more of that. But mostly, it made me feel worth something.

Unfortunately, the pressure to be perfect contributed to years of disordered eating that led to a 10+ year eating disorder. And while I knew it was wrong, perfectionism also lied to me until I lied to myself and justified my behaviors, all for a sense of value and the validation that came with it. Value and validation that wasn’t really real.

At some point, I began to fear that letting go of perfection would mean losing any perceived value I thought I’d gained. And that fear inadvertently led me to avoid situations where I might fail—or not be the best. Did I recognize I was doing this? No. At least, not until more recently, in 2019.

But the fear was there whether I knew it or not. It kept me from saying yes to things when I couldn’t control the outcome. It caused me to play it safe instead of go against the grain. It prevented me from starting new things unless I had every detail planned out ahead of time.

I was so focused on those details that I often missed the big picture. And because I feared failure, I deprived myself of learning from mistakes or unsuccessful attempts. If I did make a mistake or experience a setback, I beat myself up over it. I felt shame. I hid my flaws.

Even when struggles—and stubborn pride—drove me to try harder, it was short-lived if I could not measure up to my own high standards.

Keeping the facade of perfection intact was top priority. But behind those walls of fakeness, I was trapped. I stayed stagnant. And, more than that, my limited view distracted me from becoming who God created me to be.

Feeling Like a Failure When You Aren’t Perfect

While God does call Christians to a holy standard of living, beating ourselves up over imperfections—whether they are actual sins or perceived flaws—only keeps us stuck.

When we operate out of all-or-nothing thinking, we limit God’s grace in our lives by either avoiding failure or believing that one mistake or setback is a reason to just give up.

But that’s actually a worldly way of thinking—and one I don’t recommend.

What I do recommend? Letting go.

How to Let Go of Perfection—with Bible Verses

I wish I could tell you that it’s easy, but it’s not. It’s a process. A messy, one-step-forward-two-steps-back sort of thing. But that’s what true progress looks like, not perfection’s version of progress.

Letting go of perfection won’t happen overnight. In fact, it could take a lifetime of baby steps and a whole lot of grace. But the process is worth it. I promise!

Even as I still fight perfection today, I feel more free from it than I ever did. And here is what God is teaching me about letting go, one day at a time.

1. Acknowledge that perfection is impossible: “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Romans 3:23 (NLT)
2. Pay attention to the times when self-criticism compels you to strive for perfection: “So now anyone who is in Christ Jesus is not judged guilty.” Romans 8:1 (ERV)
3. Remember that no level of human “perfection” will ever be enough to earn true love and worthiness. That only comes from God, though grace: “[8] I mean that you have been saved by grace because you believed. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God. [9] You are not saved by the things you have done, so there is nothing to boast about.” Ephesians 2:8-9 (ERV)
4. Tell yourself that it’s okay if your best does not live up to the world’s standards—or God’s: “But the Lord said, ‘My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.’ So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ERV)
5. Sit with your imperfections and invite God into the hard emotions with you: “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 (NLT)
6. Take a small step and choose to be okay with something perfectionism is telling you could be better: “Those who trust their own insight are foolish, but anyone who walks in wisdom is safe.” Proverbs 28:26 (NLT)
7. Don’t fight perfection in your own strength. Ask God for help: “I am the vine, and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me, and I to you, you will produce plenty of fruit. But separated from me you won’t be able to do anything.” John 15:5 (ERV)
8. Take a step of faith, even when you’re afraid that something isn’t perfect: “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].” 2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP)
9. Focus on God, not on what anyone else thinks of you: “Now do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the one I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (ERV)
10. Each time you experience a moment of freedom from perfection, acknowledge it. Thank God for it. And remember what it feels like for the next time you find yourself struggling: “O Lord, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them.” Isaiah 25:1 (NLT)

Then, repeat all of the above as many times as you need to—which might even be every day. And that’s okay.

Building a Relationship with God

By far, the best area of my life where I’ve learned to let go of perfection is in my relationship with God—because that changes EVERYTHING. While I’ve never believed in a works-based salvation, lo and behold, I still found myself “working” to win God’s favor and feeling guilty when I didn’t pray or read my Bible regularly.

Today, my relationship with God is NOT perfect because it can’t be. I acknowledge that. I’m human. But I also don’t wallow in guilt because that will only push me away from God—not toward Him. Reading the Bible and talking to God has become a joy and a want in my life, not a box to check or a rule to follow. If I miss a day in the Word, I know that tomorrow is a new day. If I forget to pray about something or someone, or let a few days go by before I repent from a bad attitude or foolish choice, I know God still loves me and will still listen and forgive me anytime.

I’m so thankful God is patient! We see His ultimate patience and mercy described in Lamentations 3:22-23 (NLT):

“[22] The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
    His mercies never cease.
[23] Great is his faithfulness;
    his mercies begin afresh each morning.“

Every morning is a fresh opportunity, not only to let go of perfection but also live a more abundant life with God. It’s also a reason to praise Him and keep our focus on Him.

“I will sing forever about the Lord’s love. I will sing about his faithfulness forever and ever!” Psalm 89:1 (ERV)

The reality of perfection is that it is really good at distracting us from God’s truth His purpose for each of us. So here’s my challenge to you—and me: Let’s continue to pursue freedom from perfection—one imperfect step at a time.

“But now since you have been set free from sin and have become [willing] slaves to God, you have your benefit, resulting in sanctification [being made holy and set apart for God’s purpose], and the outcome [of this] is eternal life.” Romans 6:22 (AMP)