In my very first post on this blog, I told you why I adventure. But there’s more to the story, and today feels like a fitting day to share it.
On this day, two years ago, I made a choice to start living again. It was both a sweet triumph and a sound defeat. A triumph over my TEN year bout with bulimia, and a defeat of self – self-doubt and self-reliance.
Two years ago, after several failed recovery attempts, I finally let go. Let go of an addiction that comforted me, then left me feeling like death. It was a vicious cycle. And I just could not keep living that way. Because I really wasn’t living.
My goal here isn’t to detail my recovery, but I will say it was the toughest challenge I’ve ever faced. So challenging, that I could not have overcome it on my own strength. When I let go, it was to stop trusting myself and start trusting God – trusting Him with all my fears, all my doubts, all my insecurities, and all of the unknowns. It was scary as heck, but I did it. I started listening to my body, eating to fuel it, and challenging myself to eat foods that I once avoided (or threw up). Loooong story short, it worked! And I am who I am today because I made that choice to let go. But the rest was God. He never gave up on me, and instead became my strength in my weakest moments, and my confidence that life without bulimia was worth all the discomfort of recovery.
After one week of zero bingeing and purging, I promised myself that I would start living. Really living. So I made a nonrefundable reservation to go skydiving over Memorial Day weekend. Booking that dive accomplished a few things:
- It kept me accountable, oddly enough. Knowing I had a reward waiting for me at the end of that first month made me eager to actually earn it.
- It kept me from spending money on binge food. (Guys, I spent hundreds of dollars a month on food that literally went down the toilet. Such a waste!)
The day I went skydiving did wonders for my recovery, honestly. I felt SO alive. SO free. And I knew, 15,000 feet in the air, that I could never, ever go back to not living again.
So, why do I adventure? Because I chose life. Because I’m no longer bound by the chains of an eating disorder. Because I no longer waste my time and energy and money on bingeing and purging – which gives me the freedom to adventure.
Adventure didn’t save me from bulimia. God did. No question. But God used my passion for adventure to show me how to live again. To show me what freedom feels like. And to show me that He still loves me and wants me to be happy – regardless of the years I spent resisting His help.
Now you know the full story of Adventure and the Girl. Well, the full backstory anyway. My only hope is that reading this will encourage you to ALWAYS choose life. Treat it like a gift. Pursue it with a fervor. It really is the best adventure!